Make us laugh

Then there was this Chinese guy. Always coming in with his hot daughter trying to finagle a price for diamonds. I think he exported them or something.

 

My rims aren’t on this credit card bill? Christ!

 

How am I supposed to get this 59’ Harley when they charge so much interest?

 

I know the cop that found John Bobbit’s penis in the bushes.

 

Now that's a claim to fame.

 

I haven’t told my wife I bought tires yet. And they’re showing up tomorrow.

 

An Engineer decides to walk home from work one evening. On his way home, he crosses a street and hears a voice "Hey look down, over here!!" The engineer stops, looks down and its a talking frog??!! He picks up the Frog and the Frog says:

"I'm a beautiful princess, if you kiss me I will turn back into a beautiful princess"

The engineer smiles at the talking frog, places it into his shirt pocket and continues his walk home. Again the frog starts talking "Hey!!" the man stops and removes from frog from his shirt pocket. The Frog says:

"Not only am I a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will turn back into a beautiful princess, but I will stay with you for two weeks and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer smiles at the frog and places the frog back into his pocket.

The engineer finally makes it home, walks into his living room sits down on the couch and removes the frog from his pocket, placing the frog on the coffee table.

The frog says "Hey! I told you that I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me not only will I turn back into a beautiful princess but I will stay with you for two weeks and do anything you want. I don't get it, who says no to that? Why won't you kiss me?!

The man says:

"Look, I'm an Engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog? Now that's just cool."

 

I have 9 tags and I’m down to one GD Corolla.

 

Well they are repaving all the roads so not riding the bikes.

 

I already fit a deer in the trunk. Ask me how I loaded up four 265/75 wheels?

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/science...n-years-ago-humans-oldest-jawed-ancestor.html

we were fish!

 

I have 42 wheels without counting the riding lawn mower.

 

There was a thread a while back on a fishing forum I was on where people were comparing their cylinder index, between cars, lawnmowers, etc. I like the "tire index" idea, even though I'm pretty pathetic with only 10 (4Runner, TC, Bicycle).

I could probably hold my own in a fishing gear or Milwaukee tool based comparison.

 

48 cylinders.

 

I have these new wheels and light bar ready to go on.

 

I hate BMW’s.

 

I told my insurance they need to buy me a new SUV.
I says “you need to buy me this 2016?”
They says “would you like me to insure a 2016?”
I says “ you gotta buy me a new one?”
They says “would you like me to insure your new one?”
I says “No!”

 

I’m going to have to say goodbye to this group that I love so much. My wife says I’m in this group every twenty seconds and she can’t stand it anymore. We argued and she told me to choose between her or the group. So I’m going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags and call her an uber! The nerve of her? I’ll be right back.

 

Bob and Billy go fishing. Billy steps away to take a leak. While taking a leak he’s bitten on his $@&! by a rattlesnake. Billy comes running back to his buddy Bob to tell him the bad news. “Bob..Bob I was bit by a rattlesnake on my $@&!.” Billy exclaims ” I think I saw a doctors office on our hike in . Go see the doctor and ask him what should we do”. So Bob takes off running to the doctors office. He finally gets there and yells “doc..doc my buddy and I were fishing and he got bit by a rattlesnake. What should we do? The doc replies “ you have to suck the poison out. If you don’t suck the poison out he’s gonna die”. Bob takes off running back to his friend. When he gets to Billy lying on the river bank Bobs out of breath. Billy says “Bob what did the doctor say”? Bob still catching his breath tells him. “ The doc says you gonna die”.

 

Just got my credit card bill.

 

Didn’t I have a 4R a few months ago?

 

I’m made $000,000.00 in 2022.

 

I’ve been on hospice for the last thirty years but for some reason I keep getting up every morning.

 

You know I’m almost fifty years old and I’ve never paid one months rent?

 

My neighbors husband passed away last year. Very sad. I didn’t ask why, and it was right around when I scored the Lazy-Boy in the trash.

 

It does have an unidentifiable stain in between the cushion.

 

Is it me or does every piece shit that’s in a truck drive across the double lines? They are gonna tax the F)$& out of you.

 

I guy choked me out next to me at the trout pond with a cigar and I got too much sun.

 

I’m running security cameras like ScarFace!

 

Guy tried to tell me a 15 inch fish was 6 pounds? I says my two 19 inch Rainbows were 3?