Make us laugh

The guide said it gets to 140 degrees there now.

 

What they forgot to tell you about global warming is. When all the snow melts, the moisture in the air will magnify the sun more and cut this world in half.

 

In like 2001-2003 the sun changed and it fride all because a guy brought a box cutter on a plane from sudi arabia and set in motion a course that cant be reversed.

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/aGA97ud5AFY?si=YUhckrQ7qq5MZMYN

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/1jeV0Exwwg4?si=mBzTgD7kHDVWhrB1

 

I rode my bicycle today. I passed a guy on a scooter being pulled by two PitBulls. When I started pulling away they sped up and he did a faceplant on the asphslt!lol

 

Getting old,

 

I had a dental problem for thirty years!

 

Did I just see the seats light up on a new Rav4?

 

I was delighted to see "Nightmare On Elm Street" from Roku.
I watched it for 15 minutes and couldnt stand it.
ITS FAKE AUDIO!

 

Why is a smaller toilet more expensive than a big toilet?

 

Best mug to give...

 

Someone spray painted my neighbor's shed. Tastes like chicken?

 

Smell a Ford lately? What a POS?

 

Maybe i will start a fire. Burn about ten cords of wood. Throw the table scraps on it. Hey, how about some coal. I have a pair of dirty underwear sure that too! What about the neighbors? Who cares!

 

Me when my wife tells my my penis is an OK size.

 

Its not my fault Toyota is racing NASCAR?

 

Im gettin out my Dale Earnhardt jacket.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Automatic-Machine-Flashing-Christmas-Activity/dp/B0CN2MMW5P

 

Im buying my mom's house. My sisters are dirty bastards.

 

What exactly is in or about your post that is suppose to "Make Us Laugh"???

 

Come on its kind of funny. Just had a Muskrat swim by me.

 

I need $300k?

 

In an attempt to save this thread:

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He said his summer was pretty good too.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler.

 

https://youtu.be/XW8iAVwt_Yc?si=-wAzQHum6hegbQa4

 

Walmart Husband

Mr. And Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping.

He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.

Here's a Letter sent to her from the store:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.. And watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices Again!!!!"

And last, but not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

 

A grand for lenses fir my glasses that dont even tint in the sun? Wow, how do people with glasses see anymore?

 

this made me laugh