A thread in which I shall insult you, your taste, and your car.

@djwantke has a birthday today. 36 makes him an old fart, right?

Happy Birthday!

 

Okay, I'll add in a fart story. Back in the 90's me and some Ranger buddies had to go train at Bragg for a few weeks, so we decided to rent a van a drive from Benning to Bragg. There were 7 of us. I was volun-told to drive. My fellow Rangers had been hazing me all week long, so I was plotting my revenge for days.

The night before I ate a lot of cabbage.

We hopped in the van and off we went! But before we left, I hit the locks on the door, so they only opened from the OUTSIDE. Remember those child safety locks? Yeaaaaaaah, so do I. I rolled up the windows and locked 'em so they wouldn't roll down. 1 hour into the drive the guys were napping, and the bowels of hell unleashed themselves. They were the "SBD" kind. Silent But Deadly

They were gagging over the smell, yelling at me, throwing things at me, then begging me to roll down the windows or open the doors. I was laughing so hard that I almost drove the van off the road. Those guys never hazed me again. I won that damn battle.

 

Cabbage farts... some of the most powerful vapors around!

SBDs - the invention of stealth technology!!

 

That depends on who you ask.
If you ask us old farts, he's a kid.
If you ask his kids, he's an old fart.

 

I've got tools older than him.

 

You, sir. Are my hero. I applaud you!

 

From Spalding’s paint color observations (insults) to fart stories. Pull my finger!!

 

Expert tip for making it even worse next time - turn the heat on full blast.

Alright, my fart story. Senior year of high school, my buddy told me he could light his fart like in the movies. I told him he was full of shit. He pulls out a lighter, pulls his knees up to his chest, and damned if he didn't light up the passenger floorboard with a fireball that night. I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face. Best part was, no smell

 

I taught my daughter "pull my finger" a couple of weeks ago before bed. Now she keeps asking if she can pull my finger before she goes up to brush her teeth

 

Why won’t the skeleton fart in public? He doesn’t have the guts.
Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop and one fly farts. The other fly says "Hey!, I'm trying to eat here."

 

Oh GOD! LOLOLOLOL

 

Great point. It would probably be good to also remember that a lot of that tech got launched with a big assist from Huntsville Alabama where they only read 2 pages a day.

From my Alabama friend:
An Alabama state trooper stops a fellow for speeding.
Trooper - Have you got any ID?
Driver - 'Bout whut?

 

^^ Good Venison in Alabama.

 

Meh, my ex-wife, who is a total c*nt drives a cavalry blue tacoma. She has zero honor. Since you were so horribly wrong about that color, I have no choice but to assume that you are wrong about the others as well....

(and like so many others, I did not choose the color, it was the first available color, I chose the vehicle)

They are afraid that you are unhinged so they compliment your color choice...

I wanted Lunar Rock too...but I'm actually glad that I didn't get it...