Make us laugh

I went into the Pawn Shop and bought a nice real diamond pend. It says CZ right on the back of it.lol

 

Do the Koreans or the Germans know how to make a light bulb? Because everyone I see has one burnt out?

 

Im getting a job on a Mexican roofing crew! I just got there number. See, I need shingles on my other house, so, Im gonna slide in there make $8 dollars an hour for awhile. Then talk them into workibg on my roof.

 

An old prospector was riding his snowmobile thru the Alaskan tundra and it conks out. Thankfully he's near a small town, so he manages to get the snowmobile dragged in and into the hands of the mechanic, who tells him to check back in an hour or so and he should be able to let him know what's going on.

The prospector starts wandering thru town and discovers an old-fashioned milkshake shop and can't pass up the opportunity to soothe his sweet tooth. He orders a vanilla milkshake and it's so good that he winds up drinking it direct from the cup, dribbling ice cream into all down the front of his beard as he makes his way back to the mechanic shop.

The prospector waits patiently until, eventually, the mechanic appears again and walks in the room....the first thing the mechanic says is "Looks like you blew a seal!"

The prospector hurriedly responds "IT'S ICE CREAM! IT'S ICE CREAM!!"



Happy Good Friday and a Happy Easter to all

 

Before COVID prayed to kill everyone on Earth!

 

What are you going to do? Run me off the road? Someone does THAT to me everyday.

 

I would label this "the pyramid of persistence" rather than intellect

 

That's a good point! I never completed my Master's (12 units short), so when my daughter got hers, she said "hey dad, I'm smarter than you now!". In a calm fatherly voice, I told her "no, you're not SMARTER than me, you're more EDUCATED than me, there's a difference!".

 

My sis found a cure for cancer. She did her PHD on a sea slug that lives at the bottom of the ocean. Its the slime they produce when modiied somehow i had the link it was so in depth. But, they erased it not sure i didnt get a pic of the link. They prob sold it?

 

How mych does a radar gun cost? Cause no one in this state has one.lol

 

O' man. I heard they found the guy's bodys that were selling crack on the Key bridge that got hit?

 

I think they were DEA?

 

If it were up to me I would have a dish pointed at Texas. All the fiber ive spliced and tested is worthless. They use fiber because people steel the copper. Yhey even have fiber in 3rd world countrys.

 

this Jeep just floors it

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1nWbOtPity/?igsh=bnlpZ3RjdWgwaDlw

 

My last fiber splicing job was on Fort Belvor. I left that shit hole and never looked back!

 

I've done fiber splices with one of those fancy fusing machines before

 

Ive been in some bad holes too. Even spliced in a Metro ventalation shaft. They was an inch of brake dust on everything. Second tome I went in I ised a Tyvec suot and mask.

 

How do you pump our a deep hole full of methane, when you cant prime the sump pump? You have to hold your breath climb down the ladder with a bucket, fill it without taking a breath! Or you die

 

Do they give ANY dumbass a trucking license?

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C22m1qNRqww/?igsh=bTk4Nnl3MTk5eHY1

 

So places like California and New York.

 

Hillbilly Moms Letter
Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.
Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.
We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.
One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.
Not much more news this time.
Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Mom
P.S. - I was going to send you some spending money, but I had already sealed the envelope and mailed it.
Credit Goes to the respective owner

 

The original “forgot something” guy.

 

I think I got syphlis and I dont have sex?

 

I may have mouth cancer. Ive been digging on my left side gum Ive already had five procedures on. I go to the dentist tomorrow! Cancer for my BDay!

 

I saw a nice 4R today! I was going to wave but when I got near he swerved towards the fog lines.lol

 

Has anyone ever pulled a tooth with vise grips?

 

Sorry guys. Looks like Im not going to die. They scraped below the gumline and i got mouthwash.

 

I told my wife it was only going to take 2 hours for me to replace my brake pads and rotors.